Wednesday, November 21, 2007

RE: The matter of The Sea vs. Reid Stowe

ED: The following is an open letter received by the 1000 days of hell team:

Dear Mr. Stowe,

First of all, let me begin by explaining to you that “The Sea” is a Limited Liability Corporation registered in Delaware whose main shareholders are the North Pacific, South Pacific, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian, Arctic and Antarctic Oceans. Non-voting, minor share holders include the lesser bodies of water throughout the world including the Mediterranean, Caspian, Black, Great Lakes, etc.. Collectively, we are “The Sea”. As Chairman of the Board and CEO of the corporation, I retain the title “The Sea”.

Being The Sea, I am usually too busy to address such matters as posts to a blog site referencing me; however your blog was recently brought to my attention as meriting a look. After a tertiary scan of the site’s content, I dispatched a few very trustworthy sea mammals to reconnoiter your vessel and provide me with a verbal report. It was a tedious report indeed due to the content as well as the fact that the whales were laughing so hard throughout; they had plankton coming out of their blow holes. The report they made was less than flattering to you and your endeavor. It is apparent from both physical observation and from your own reports that the schooner “Anne” is not safe for travel upon my surface. The sooner you remove yourself from me, the less likely I will be to remove you from said surface without benefit of land.

Beyond the physical observations, your blog has made some claims that I take issue with. I appreciate the importance of good public relations as much as anyone and the use of “The Sea” has served me very well over the centuries in literature, poetry, etc. The vast majority of references to “The Sea” have shown a great deal of respect and have served to instill in seafarers and landlubbers alike the respect that I deserve and demand. Your words and your actions, however, are contradictory in nature and you make certain assertions that are completely inaccurate.

While you have on occasion referred to your respect for me, the act of leaving NY Harbor for the open ocean in that “boat” is a blatant affront to your supposed respect. Also, your post dated November 7th states, in part, “Our contentment to just be here pleases the sea.” I’ve checked and double checked all my correspondence for the past 210 days and there is no record whatever of my endorsing you and your inane efforts. I didn’t even know of your existence until a couple days ago and I can assure you --- I am not at all pleased.

For the above reasons, and based on my responsibility on behalf of shareholders to protect “The Sea” from defamation, blasphemy and general disregard, this letter shall serve as an official notice to you to cease and desist the use of the term “The Sea” for the duration of your journey. Should you ignore this order, I will be forced to turn this matter over to our legal department as well as EWCO (Enormous Waves Corporation, a wholly owned subsidiary company), for further action.

I tried to post this letter to you direct to your blog site, but was refused. I am posting it here as I was informed that you had recently made posts directly to this site. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me through this forum or at the address below.


The Sea

69 Neptune Plaza
Suite 1200, Mail Stop 420

P.S. - If you have any doubt as to my ability to influence your chances of survival, I want you to think about what happened to your sail yesterday. I sat next to The Wind at a Rotary luncheon over the weekend and we had a brief chat about your trip. The Wind ripped that seam out of your sail just for shits and giggles.

No comments:

Vandalism and Fair Use

It seems that some energetic fans of Mr. Stowe have discovered this site and have a problem with it's content; All posts are welcome here whether you agree with this blog or not; however, nonsensical posts will be deleted.

We suggest you research the following terms: public figure, parody, and fair use.....and lighten up a bit, hey?