Monday, May 11, 2009

South Carolina Girl Wins Sailing Trip of a Life Time.

From Lonelyboy15 ---

A lucky South Carolina lass has won the dream opportunity of a life time. A year at sea aboard a romantic 72 foot schooner cruising the South Seas! The '1000 days at sea' organization has been conducting the Be a Stowe-away for aYear competition to find a suitable person to join famous adventurer, artist and musician Reid Stowe as he continues his record breaking odyssey. The opportunity arouse when Mr. Reid's initial 1st mate ,Soanya, left the project to start a family.

The winner was announced at the gala finals evening, held last night.
The Judges had to pick winner, based on their suitability as a companion for Mr. Reid.
Head judge Jesse said "We were looking for someone with intelligence, good communication skills and, of course, a sound knowledge of world affairs and geography"

I think you will agree, they chose well......

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Windmill Lanced During High Speed Dragon Chase

By CScow Associated Press
February 3, 2009. Barcelona de La Mancha, England
Updated: 13 minutes ago

A windmill is recovering from bowsprit lance injuries, following an afternoon highspeed dragon chase, during which speeds nearly exceeded 3 knots.

Police are questioning an obscure, fractionally NASA affiliated Hoboken astronomy team, "1000 Days", regarding the unauthorized, mildly subsidized, poorly executed, and largely ignored dragon chase. Neither residents nor the windmill itself recall seeing dragons in the area since 1400 BC, when the 1000 Days astronomy mission was first conceived.

Sancho "Sparky" Panza, deepwater electrician for the team, insists hateful dragons exist and warrant chasing. "We mind our chakra, living life to the cheesiest, expecting to be treated like kings for the amazing willy nilly research we do. Unfortunately, that dragon appeared, treating us with disdain, putting us under duress, and harrassing any loved ones we might have, if we weren't such ignorant assholes. That only hardened our resolve, forcing me to look up the word "vicissitudes" in the dictionary, because my spelling isn't so good. It took me a full month to figure out how to spell 'Maersk', the last time we filed falsified court papers for child suport. Vicissitudes. That one's gonna be a real pisser".

The windmill was treated with white stucco and released, following prompt action by local Belgian Tripel beer brewers. "We make up a microcosm of the grand macrocosm of Belgian Tripels. The last thing we need in this economy is crack induced 1970's dragon chasers interrupting beer production. Hell, mess with the fermentation schedule, we may as well give up and write books about soy sauce. Or start playing hockey. For the Detroit Redwings", said one brewermaster as he ordered barley millers back to work in the injured windmill.

Authorities issued citations to Weed Quixote, sailorman of HMS Anne, for exceeding the vessel's maximum certified speed limit of 1.75 knots. An unidentified brilliant all-star, right stuff detective, having fortitude to deal with hardships of missions he denies ever happened, noted Hoboken vessels are typically limited to the velocity of Hudson River currents, either plus or minus 1.75 knots when sailing on a broad reach in 25 knot winds, depending on tides, time of day, and alignment with Mars.

Anne's bowsprit, nicknamed "Stubby" by many observers, was withdrawn after being "in the pool" so to speak, and could not be reached for comment.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Cape Horn Rounding Plagued By Fan Participation

By CScow Associated Press
January 18, 2009. Greenwich, West Africa
Updated: 45 minutes ago

HMS Anne nearly completed today's 35 meter leg of the famed 1000 Days In Sight of Cape Horn endurance competition, amidst cheers of disappointed fans and tourists.

"It's been a tough, remarkably successful day", according to Sparky, Anne's chief winch switch wiring engineer. "The 800 pound test fishing line wrapped around Anne's prop and rudder enabled our Mahi steering system to perform flawlessly. The captain's sprout methane propulsion system also worked well, providing intermittent forward motion. Sure, each time Anne moves, something breaks, rips, melts, implodes, ferments, shreads, disolves, rots, rusts, evaporates, explodes, burns, tears, collides, or disrupts the captain's Muladhara chakra. But those are minor concerns. Our main problem today was the unexpected, on-site attention of loyal fans. We planned to easily log 46,000 miles by daybreak, propelled by 372 knot winds and 147 meter waves. However, given spectators, we were pretty much confined to navigating calmer wind and waves, logging travels within a 65 foot radius".

Fans enjoyed the festive Las Vegas atmosphere, including senior citizens who first heard of "1000 Days" as young grade school students and "just had to get in on this action". Edith Rand, recently touring South American bingo parlors, made a special effort to visit Cape Horn and bet on the deepwater enduro. "The action has been simply fantastic! This morning, I doubled my bets the moment I saw Anne's solar panels melt. Thought I had lost the whole month's Social Security check by noon, when a 45-foot albatross collided with the antique gimballed platform and Anne moved six inches. But sure enough, by late afternoon, the lady floating in the inner tube flashed her tits....a full two hours before Anne came within 20 meters of the finish line. BINGO! Jackpot!!. Screw sprout chakra!!! Tonight it's prime rib beef, buttered lobster, fried bacon cheese sticks, and a quart of tequila for this old gal!!!!".

Tourists aboard a chartered US Airways casino expressed mixed reactions to the excursion, with opinions varying along traditional partisan chakra lines.

Frequent floaters, such as one yacht salesman from Detroit, cited the airline's inequitable distribution of honey roasted peanuts as well as a general lack of alternative entertainment. "I tried to be polite, only asking the stewardess for peanuts after my stomach grumbled and Manipura solar plexus chakra had gone from yellow to azure. The stewardess bitch ignored me....continued telling passengers steps to take in the event of a land landing, whining about smoking only being allowed on the leeward wing, and so we haven't heard THAT speech 1000 times before. Meanwhile, those bastard armchair Admirals up in First Class ate all the damned honey roasted peanuts. Adding to misery, 16 hours into today's leg of the Cape competition, I strolled out to the windward wing to get some fresh air and play Shuffleboard. All they had was 'Void Ho And Go Seek', a game some world class dumbass electrician from Hoboken must have invented. 25,000 floater miles? For THIS? If this is how US Airways treats frequent floaters, I can only imagine service back in Bilge Class".

Several marine manufacturers and suppliers attended, in part to defend quality of products used in boats handmade for this and similar 1000 day events. "Sailormen buy or produce Optima Batteries expecting at least two trouble free years of continuous, dead-short winch switch power capacity, as advertised", noted an unidentified Optima Battery salesman. "Unfortunately, with these (multi-year) 1000 day events, consumers and gamblers lose track of time and may falsely assume our Optima failed earlier, possibly within the first year of constant dead-short use. That is simply not the case, as Anne clearly demonstrated over many decades of improper wiring".

Anne's former Danforth anchor was buried knee deep in Hudson River turd and jet engine parts and could not be reached for comment.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Cruising World Writes Article on Stowe - Our Weather Scow is on the Scene Reporting ---THE LAKE EFFECT

Guttersnipe Epidemic Strikes Forum Dwellers
By CScow Associated Press
January 8, 2009. Santa's Village, New York
Updated: 72 minutes ago

Prestigious journalists are investigating an outbreak of Forum Dweller Guttersnipe (FDG), an inspiring condition impacting all ages, genders, and handmade boat owners.

This field reporter was absolutely, unequivocally, blown away by the engrossing impact guttersnipe has. Symptoms were described by one source at the scene as "schoolyard bullies throwing rocks at aging, innocent, rabid schoolyard cats who go on vacation to avoid child support obligations", or something to that effect.

One such cat, surrounding himself with and owing support to a variety of younger pussies, admits he has rankled souls along the way. "I am not a perfect cat, and they've found flaws to throw stones at. They don't like my selfish lifestyle, lack of coherent philosophy, convenient invention of random religions, choice of pussies, void personality, handmade schooner, or my art. They really love me, of course....just not those parts about me. Most of all, they don't understand my lifelong dream...dumpster diving for 1000 Days, the longest nonstop dumpster dive in cat history. Perhaps it isn't 'me'; it could be purely monetary, a product of our times, flowing from sponsors to my personal bank account before anyone discovers lack of tax-deductibility. I share an inspiring story. In return, forum dwellers guttersnipe me to the core, causing me to dig deep for love and more favorable press coverage".

Scientists and intellectuals are working non-stop to address the issue. "We thought we had guttersniping contained", said Sparky, of the Hoboken Deepwater Guttersnipe Research Facility. "Last week, a virulent forum dweller, guttersniping Detroit about some stupid hockey game, was nearly stoned to death by Detroit schoolyard bullies, when Detroit later won that game. Turns out we were overly optimistic, thinking Detroit or anyone in the dusty Great Lakes region would end it. Forum guttersnipe simply mutated into new variant strains, targeting Shuffleboard, airport runways, and petrol tankers. Where will it end? It now appears we need 1000 days, well over 207 pages of detailed forum research, and sale of at least one more Admiral web site membership to tackle this most remarkable of tragic problems".

Veteran forum dweller and sailor William Backstay remains optimistic, offensively commenting on gains made in fighting aimless driftathons, the leading cause of Guttersnipe. "Sure, we have misguided women like Sparky...dwelling here and in other forums, signing on as "SailDude" and "Sailing007", who have never set foot on a sailboat, nor apparently been owed child support. Fortunately, experienced forum dwellers have developed early detection methods, often allowing application of less invasion nitpicking out-patient procedures, with minimal ralphing or other side effects. There's still hope".

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Sailorman Rescues Petrol Tanker

By CScow Associated Press
January 6, 2009. Santiago, British Columbia
Updated: 13 minutes ago

A ship was mistakenly rescued today, when the captain of a handmade schooner confused the 180-tonne petrol tanker Sonangol Kassanje with a nearby capsized race boat needing assistance.

Crew of the tanker and handmade rescue schooner "Anne" are said to be safe and in good health, but the incident was not without mishap. The captain of Sonangol Kassanje considered trying to outrun the handmade schooner, believing it looked "a lot like those pirate boats in the papers lately". However, the tanker remained stationary, intent on guarding the capsized race boat, leading to its striking Anne some 6 hours later.

Damages to the handmade schooner were difficult to determine, reportedly due to its general condition. "She's in pretty bad shape. We just can't figure out how a collision could age the sails that fast. About the only thing in workable condition is the deck. Looks like spruce out of a Steinway or something.", a member of the tanker's crew noted. Sources indicate the tanker's owners, backed by millionaire sponsors, denied responsibility but agreed to a settlement calling for their purchase of an "Admiral" membership to some obscure New York web site in exchange for Anne "just going away".

Jean Le Cam, skipper of the capsized VM Matériaux, witnessed the tanker rescue and chose to remain captive in his inverted boat for 16 hours, indicating the hard working skipper of the handmade schooner had done enough for one day. "Thanks, but I'm good. Really! I already have a ride coming to pick me up, and have a couple of novels to read while I wait. Take a break!! Relax!!! Go sailing.....over there, by that tanker!!! I'll be fine!!!".

Saturday, December 27, 2008

1000 Days of Hell Cited in Sail Magazine

WoooooooHoooooooo! .............. and WTF?

In the January issue of Sail, Charles Doane includes a link to this blog site in an article about Reid Stowe and 1000 Days at Sea. The title of his article is "To Infinity and Beyond".

While we certainly appreciate the publicity, we have to wonder if he hasn't got anything better to write about. Overall, the article is the most balanced we've seen. Mr. Doane mentions some of Reid's less flattering life experiences and, as far as we're concerned, nails the description of the art Reid created by accident in the Pacific saying - "...his whale in fact looks more like a manatee" (E-mail me Mr. Doane and let me know where to send the prize - a pair of Soanya panties).

He made a couple errors in his article, including saying that "...Anne was struck by a freighter". Reality is that Reid hit a very, very large ship. He also states in reference to this blog that - "You'll note too, that this so-called parody of Reid often verges into outright hatred".

How does one "verge into outright" anything? That's like saying that Soanya was "almost completely pregnant".

More important, we'd like Mr. Doane to substantiate his claim that there's any hatred here. Look it up in the dictionary. There's not a whole lot of respect for Reid here, but that's a far cry from "outright hatred". Please point out hateful words, HTFU, or go back to writing those rosy reviews of Barney and Friends.

Our feelings are hurt and we think an apology is in order.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday, July 11, 2008

Friday, May 30, 2008

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Day 378 - Message of Hope

Many times during the trip, I have received warm hearted and genuine emails and phone calls from wonderful supporters, and I thought I would just say thankyou to the latest contributor Brian, who gave me some wonderful advice on how to get rid of the marine growth on the bottom of Anne.

I didnt realise that ferralyte was an essentially porous mixture of polyester resin and talcum powder in a ratio of about 1 part resin to 20 parts talcum. Fortunately, talcum powder is porous and according to the desalinator manual, when you have a porous subject, if the pressure on one side is greater than the other side, the water will pass straight through, in a process called osmosis.

So yesterday, when I was cleaning the desalinator and reversing the pressure, I achieved reverse osmosis, and I could not believe the quantity of gunk that came out of the desalinator.

So I did some quick calculations, and I worked out that if I tightened the fastenings on the hatches, and closed the hatches, I could, by opening some of the propane bottles down below, achieve an internal hull pressure of about 30 pounds per square inch, and that would be sufficient to force the gas through the talc (through reverse osmosis), and magically lift off the marine growth on the bottom of the hull, just like the desalinator did.

Of course I would have to modify my snorkel, with a length of hose, so that I could breathe while I was in the cabin, opening propane bottles, but fortunately I have some good tape that should do the job.

Where would I be without such wonderful advice.

The other great advice I got was to put my headsail up in place of my mainsail. It is working a treat, and sets well behind the mast, but unfortunately it is backwards, so I am now finding that Anne wants to sail backwards all the time. Anyway, I am getting used to it.

So thankyou Brian, I am off to try your idea, and who knows, it might even force some of the diesel in the bilge, out of the boat as well. It is so dark down there though, I dont know how I can see what I am doing.. I guess I will think of something..


Thanks Timmys Trick Turkey!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

SeaMadness and Soy after filming their 1000-Days Bible infomercial....

JPlanet responds to Soanyas latest post and at the same time responds to the response of SeaMadness to fund raising efforts by MC in response to what appears to be less than stellar support for the space analogous voyage.

In the image, "NOT VOID HO" means that it is not this.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Vandalism and Fair Use

It seems that some energetic fans of Mr. Stowe have discovered this site and have a problem with it's content; All posts are welcome here whether you agree with this blog or not; however, nonsensical posts will be deleted.

We suggest you research the following terms: public figure, parody, and fair use.....and lighten up a bit, hey?