Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Windmill Lanced During High Speed Dragon Chase

By CScow Associated Press
February 3, 2009. Barcelona de La Mancha, England
Updated: 13 minutes ago

A windmill is recovering from bowsprit lance injuries, following an afternoon highspeed dragon chase, during which speeds nearly exceeded 3 knots.

Police are questioning an obscure, fractionally NASA affiliated Hoboken astronomy team, "1000 Days", regarding the unauthorized, mildly subsidized, poorly executed, and largely ignored dragon chase. Neither residents nor the windmill itself recall seeing dragons in the area since 1400 BC, when the 1000 Days astronomy mission was first conceived.

Sancho "Sparky" Panza, deepwater electrician for the team, insists hateful dragons exist and warrant chasing. "We mind our chakra, living life to the cheesiest, expecting to be treated like kings for the amazing willy nilly research we do. Unfortunately, that dragon appeared, treating us with disdain, putting us under duress, and harrassing any loved ones we might have, if we weren't such ignorant assholes. That only hardened our resolve, forcing me to look up the word "vicissitudes" in the dictionary, because my spelling isn't so good. It took me a full month to figure out how to spell 'Maersk', the last time we filed falsified court papers for child suport. Vicissitudes. That one's gonna be a real pisser".

The windmill was treated with white stucco and released, following prompt action by local Belgian Tripel beer brewers. "We make up a microcosm of the grand macrocosm of Belgian Tripels. The last thing we need in this economy is crack induced 1970's dragon chasers interrupting beer production. Hell, mess with the fermentation schedule, we may as well give up and write books about soy sauce. Or start playing hockey. For the Detroit Redwings", said one brewermaster as he ordered barley millers back to work in the injured windmill.

Authorities issued citations to Weed Quixote, sailorman of HMS Anne, for exceeding the vessel's maximum certified speed limit of 1.75 knots. An unidentified brilliant all-star, right stuff detective, having fortitude to deal with hardships of missions he denies ever happened, noted Hoboken vessels are typically limited to the velocity of Hudson River currents, either plus or minus 1.75 knots when sailing on a broad reach in 25 knot winds, depending on tides, time of day, and alignment with Mars.

Anne's bowsprit, nicknamed "Stubby" by many observers, was withdrawn after being "in the pool" so to speak, and could not be reached for comment.

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