Friday, October 26, 2007

Letter to the Editor --- from Sergei Krikalyov, a Russian Cosmonaut who holds the record for the longest time in space - 803 days.

Dear Mr. Editing,

I much wanted go to the oceans for 1000 day since I little boy. I hear many times the stories of peoples go on the boat for many times and I want to go too someday. My mother, she no want I go to ocean on boat. She will did miss me too very much for that. My father no want me go on boat too, for he think boat very dangerous and maybe break and I sink in the ocean to death. I very want to do this much as boy and dream this many times when sleep in my bed. I want for to make this dream real and have much fun on boat exploring wet places with beach.

When I fourteen years my mother, she gets the bite of goat on elbow and she get very sick. She die from this but goat still OK, so my sister not having mother but she still having the milk. When mother die, my dream is closer, for because she dead now and not miss me if I go on boat. I want leave very soon then, but my father sayings I need for to prepare for trip. He saying best place to learn of loneliness and relying on self is in space and USSR will shoot me into space to learn these stuff and he not have to pay.

Father he talk at my uncle Boris that work at space office and he say many peoples in space but never anybody go on boat for 1000 days. Uncle Boris saying to my father I being stupid for to try and go for the water even for 200 days. My father giving him 4 bottles good vodka and my uncle let me go for to space schooling. I putting my socks and underwear and clothes in bag and ride on bus to space school. I study very hard and get very tired because food not good so much at space school. I training very much at school for six years and many times I want to go home. But I stay for because if I going home then not being prepare to go on boat for 1000 day, so I stay. I do test onetime that I spin very much and I am only student for to not throw up. The next day I shooting in spaceship off of earth.

I get in space on spaceship and then attaching to space station where to I spend much time. I’m being very bored in space looking out windows at earth and waving much to father and sister who don’t see too far away as me. I being sad much and read same book many times. I sneezing once and the juice of sneeze stay float in air for 3 days. When I get very much sad I look out window for to see ocean and dream of floating for 1000 day in boat. My dream of boat make me stay and not go back to earth when till comes 800 days. When I go home to earth I stepping one foot of closer to my dreams. The doctors checking with my body, and but for I weigh more I very health.

My father was meet me at the space doctor building and telling me another man making 1000 day trip in the boat. I read of this and am sad for to not be first. I sad of spending so much time in prepare for this. I go back to village with father and I am moping much times. Much years go by when this other man delay from somethings and not go on his boat to 1000 day. When he at last leave from the land, I am happy for this to happen, but I am sad it is not me. I spend time with my father and sister and our goat at days time, and in the nights I still dreamings about my boat and the oceans and this other man that has bring with him a small lady.

I go to library at local university and on internet I see where they go for to draw heart on top of water. I look at pictures and see they go circles of not the shape of the heart, but maybe if heart squished on road. I watching thems sailing and to hitting big ship and break theirs boat in the front part. I see pictures of the broken bathroom and they shovel those clams on under of boat. I see of them fishings and eating weeds. I watching them get for no fat on them any more and they starves. I read they breaking boat motor and that the ocean coming into boat. I see their sails are breaking and they need to fix many times. The sails for to push boat don’t push boat when wind is on them and boat not to move.

I am worried of these peoples on boat so I calling Uncle Boris and tells him of this. I tells him that our country must do something for to make for better boat trip in next time some peoples want to do this. I ask Uncle that Russia can sends someones to Mars so we can be learning how to take long trip on boat and not drowning. My Uncle saying that this good for reason go to Mars and Russia will do that soon. This will be good experience for to help peoples who want to go on boat for long time.


Luna said...

Love it, love it, love it. Absolutely brilliant and too funny for words. Who sez RS hasn't inspired folks - just not as intended :-) Thank you so much for a good laugh.

Regatta Dog said...

This funny for to you? My dreams they shatter on ground some much. 1000 day of boat gone to me. I am sad for to beating the band. I were eating the tang up the space and this guy maybe sometimes eating the small lady who have breastses that they go away.

fred said...

Wow! Now you make fun of people with accents, people of different cultures, and people with accents. You folks have no moral compass, and make Ann Coulter look like a diplomat.

Pull this site down, it is an embarrassment to sailing and each of you personally.

Regatta Dog said...

Wow, Fred, that's something. It has been said that "the pen is mightier than the sword". You've certainly proved that. If only you hadn't introduced that blatantly sexist comment about a female journalist, you might have won me over.

Brad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fred said...

Hmmm, my cpmment was not deleted by the "author." but here was the gist:

You need a 6th grader to diagram my posts - the two points are separate: 1) you have no morales, and 2) you make Anncoulter look like a diplomat. Don't conflate them - but I guess spin over facts is about all this site has going for it, so maybe you should just lie about posts the one you have about Reid and others.

Regatta Dog said...

Your lucky day, Fred. My daughter is in the 6th grade and I had her read your post. She asked me what this means:

"so maybe you should just lie about posts the one you have about Reid and others."

I told her I had no idea. She said the astronaut's writing was easier to read.

What lies are you referring to? Can you be a bit more specific? Find just one and post it, I implore you. If you can't identify one, you owe me an apology.

Sailflat said...

Wow Fred, you sure like to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

This article is clearly parody, a joke. And if you would remove your cloak of indignation for long enough to read it.. A quite funny one, parodying Reid Stowe and his 1000 Days at Sea "Mars Ocean Odyssey." It might be even more funny if you realized that Sergei Krikalyov speaks fluent English and has a PHD in Astro Physics. True it's not my style and perhaps a little off color, but still very funny.

Oh, and as to lies. As you have been told again and again... We welcome not only you but anyone to correct us about anything published here as fact. I am cheerfully waiting for you or anyone else to clear up all those "lies" that we have been telling about Reid Stowe and his "Mars Ocean Odyssey."

Swan70' said...

Well done. I cracked a rib.
Did Borat write the Sergei Krikalyov Bio?

alice said...

alice said
"fred said...
Wow! Now you make fun of people with accents, people with different cultures, and people with accents."
Is that repetitively repetive or redundant?

P.S. freddy boy, this site is about making fun of the whole situation. We left 'political correctness' at the frigging door. Go back to 1000 days, jessica.

fred said...

When Ann Coulter is losing on the merits, she simply attacks the individual on the other side. This is the Ann Coulter site for sailing - congrats on your obsession - and your extraordinary negativity of people great and small.

Regatta Dog said...


I'm seriously at a loss here. So..........Bite Me F-Tard.


Vandalism and Fair Use

It seems that some energetic fans of Mr. Stowe have discovered this site and have a problem with it's content; All posts are welcome here whether you agree with this blog or not; however, nonsensical posts will be deleted.

We suggest you research the following terms: public figure, parody, and fair use.....and lighten up a bit, hey?