'Twas the Night Before Cheese Mast

Pour yourself a nice hot ruddered bum, set up the kids with egg nog, throw another log on the fire and enjoy the spirit of a Southern Ocean Christmas aboard the Schooner Anne.

The Night Before Cheese Mast

'Twas the night before Cheese Mast, and there on the scow,
The lice were not stirring in her uni-brow.
Her net stockings were on, and revealed lots of hair,
Because no one stepped up, and donated some Nair.

Reid and Soanya were nestled, all snug in their bunks,
While she dreamt of Big Macs and of holding back chunks.
The absence of sex had made her such a wreck,
She thought about slicing that big vein in his neck.

When out on the topside there arose such a clatter,
Reid sprung from his bunk to see what was the matter;
To the upside down salad-bowl he speedily raced,
Over sprouts, under ivy - like a gazelle being chased.

The green tubes on the crests of the South Ocean swells,
Lit up the shrouds where the God carving dwells;
When what to his wandering eyes should he peep?
An Avon being pulled by denizens of the deep.

With a little wood driver who was too stoned to walk,
He knew in a moment that it must be Squawk.
More rapid than his ejaculations the sea creatures came,
Squawk whistled and shouted and called them by name.

"Now Ass Hat, now Douchebag, you Hovians en mass!
Hey Blog Ed, you fucktard, pull your head out your ass!
Reid's got bails of good shit! This'll be a great haul!
We'll take his whole dope stash, we'll leave him fuck all!"

As vomit of mung beans to windward do fly,
Right back in your face like a Three Stooges pie.
So down through the hole in the mainsail they flew,
Wishing they'd brought with them that special shampoo.

And then, in a twinkling, Reid heard on the deck
An ear shattering bouncing, like a child support check.
As he drew down his head, and was turning around,
Through the propane tank hatchway Squawk came with a bound.

Squawk was horny as hell, he was obviously lit,
He toked on a joint - said, “This is really good shit!”.
He looked down at Soanya lying there in her rack,
She looked like she'd seriously been hitting the crack.

She looked up at Squawk, with eyes of desire,
Squawk said, “What the hell? I might as well try her.”
Her body all bones from finger to tow,
And the beard of her clam was as long as they grow.

She reached out and took rigid Squawk in her hand,
You could tell from her breathing she yearned for Squawk more than land.
Her body had turned exact opposite of a jelly,
Her most prominent feature was her distended belly.

Squawk’s chubby was plump, as he slid under the covers,
Reid just glanced at them, crying, at the sight of these lovers!
A thrust of Squawks pelvis and a spank to her ass,
He tossed in a load from his balls made of brass.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He grabbed all the dope, then he turned to the jerk.
He said to the sailorman, “What are you looking at Shmuck?
“I just scored the first “Space Analogous Fuck”

He sprang to his dinghy, and took off without linger,
He turned with a smile and he gave Reid the finger.
Then Reid heard him say, as he hung down his head,
"This is a totally fucking ridiculous thread!"

The folks here at 100 Days of Hell wish you all a warm, safe, and most jovial of holidays.



(Posted earlier on Sailing Anarchy.)